To further make our teenage years even more agonizing we had this dime piece, April O'Neil, whom was always flashing her shit in this yellow jump suit that would make Uma Thurman jealous. It's called Tits and Ass Uma, Tits and Ass. She was the one that made our proverbial "turtle heads" prop up and take notice. Plus she was always bringing us pizza which was like steroids for us since for some reason the homogeny of "the ooze", mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, and bleached flour made us have the skills necessary to do all of that Ninja Turtle shit.
I mean how can you turn that shit down?
Of course all the eye fucking she gave me and Leo only pissed us off when she told us that she was now dating MR. "wanna-be Michael Myers with a hockey fetish", Casey Jones. I mean it's one thing when Splinter kept us so sheltered that Donatello actually had to hack the Wi-Fi password for the NYU Library just to find out what a clitoris is, but when your hormones are raging and you're finding semen that glows in the dark under your sheets it makes you just want to kill a Shredda. This was only made worse when they got married and had kids. Luckily, Casey never found out about this night in particular:
That's right, I was the first to perform the sexual euphemism known as the "Houdini". April could only twerk that shit so many times before I convinced her to make her reports a little more "exciting". Splinter never found out, I don't think, as well as the rest of my fellow reptile brethren. Since I liked Casey I decided to stop hitting that shit after she and Casey exchanged vows. While they were married though I kind of let it slip to Leo, Donny, and Mikey while drunk on tequila one night after we "killed" Shredder for the last time. I say "killed" because that fucker always finds a way to come back like Herpes but it's been awhile since we've seen the metallic shit head.
I would say they were green with envy, but it would be hard to tell since we are turtles and thus already greener than Snoop Dogg's life; and lungs. This all changed a few years later when April gave me a shout to inform me that she had divorced Casey and needed to "let some steam off". I was down and told her to meet me at that roof top we liked which is when she told me "one turtle head might not be enough". I caught her drift and I knew they would all be down. Leo was always sort of a homophobe so he might have needed some persuasion to get off his moral high horse. Mikey and Donny on the other hand were going to be a much easier sell on other erect turtle cocks in their vicinity. Case in point:
Mikey always had an odd ass-fixiation with those nun-chuks...
After a few hours of Mikey constantly screaming , "NO WAY DUDE!!!" since he has Asperger's we were doing our whole Spiderman impersonation to get to the roof where April was waiting and eager.
April: "Oh my! You brought all of them!"
We sure did April, we sure did. I got to admit April was even a bigger freak than she had shown me during our "investigations into the Foot Clan" and worked the whole crew over like a good little journalist slut that will do anything for a story. From what you can see we busted some huge fucking loads on her which meant we need some pizza afterwards.
April: "I'm buying. You teenage turtles sure have grown up. Let's go refuel you big boys up so you can go Shredder on this pussy."
That' almost killed my drive right there since I was drained and hearing Shredder's name just makes me think of blood play and thus HIV. Actually now that I think about can turtles get HIV? Can someone Google that shit? Either way we eventually got our caloric counts back up and went back to her place for round 2.
And boy was she ready....
The gangbang was going great. We were taking turns pounding her g-spot like it was Rocksteady's Jurassic era head and she was moaning so loud that we got a knock on the door. It was the cops whom were called because the other tenants in her apartment were up tight cunts. Like a good girl, April handled that shit:
Those are cock warmers, not condoms. Condoms are only meant for humans like Justin Bieber..
April: "Phew, cops are gone. I think I'm ready to be double stuffed."
Mikey: "What is double stuffed?"
Mikey is a fucking idiot when it comes to the dynamics of group sex but I took him aside after he got done pissing into April's plants and he was totally on board which was great since my turtle balls are not touching any other turtle's balls or any balls for that matter; two are plenty for me. Mikey agreed to take the top to ram it into her poop shoot while Leo begrudgingly agreed to clog up her pink sewer since he is into that whole "Turtles before Hoes" shit. This was the only photo we got since Donny couldn't multitask taking a picture with an iPhone and jerking off:
That's my turtle head she was sucking on whilst taking Leo and Mikey's "turtle gravy". This went on for hours and hours as April was taking all of her her pent up sexual frustration out on our big green cocks. She didn't even need Casey's cocaine hook up to keep it up for the whole night. We realized that it was going to take a Super Shredder level effort to finish her off so we started getting rough and she loved every second of it. This was the end result:
Donny agreed to pay for the Plan B pill since he was the only one that knew how to hack into the Federal Reserve and wired the funds into an offshore account that April had set up for us. This was the first of many hook ups that would define our transition from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" into "Adult Mutant Ninja Turtle Studs". There will be more stories about my tales of Mutant Ninja debauchery as April isn't the only side bitch I've got going on as well as the fact that you'll never know when this fucker will resurface again:
Don't drink the Kool-Aid kids no matter how often he shows up on Fox News......
